Today is going to suck. I should have been super excited today. I should have been finishing my last minute errands and packing for Cali tomorrow. Instead, I’ll probably end up crying myself to sleep because I’m NOT going, because I wont see him for almost two weeks and I know it doesn’t bother him like it bothers me. Part of me wants to tell him to not even text me while he is there, because all I’m going to do is be sad and negative about not being there. I’m trying to let him know i still care immensely about him without being overly pushy about it. It’s hard when sometimes you get that same feeling back and sometimes you don’t. I know i don’t owe him a goddamn thing, but I can’t help how I feel…how i have this crazy need to keep reassuring him I feel the same even though I know he doesnt. What sane person does that? Some people would probably say this kind of friendship isn’t healthy, that it’s not doing anything for my healing. That maybe cutting him out of my life isn’t such a bad idea because it will be easier for me in the long run. I’m not sure when i turned into such a weak, needy person. When do I get my life back?